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CITIZEN’S ARREST: SUMMER EDITION

 

It is still summer.

That’s right. It is still August. Even though people keep lamenting that summer is OVER, this post is a little reminder that it most certainly is not done, dead or behind us. In fact, plenty of citizens of nyc are committing summer crimes and must be punished. These are no ordinary crimes. These warrant citizen’s arrests. Here are a few of the most recent offenders:

Picture it:  Q train headed to Brooklyn, mid-day on a Tuesday. It is hot out. People are sweaty but not melting. Just a layer of sheen developing on most of the commuters on board. A semi-loud couple in the corner is having the time of their lives – laughing, joking, jostling about. Fine. Have your summer fun. And then it happens: he squats down real low, by the door separating the train cars. She gets real quiet. He takes off her cute summer sandal (INITIAL ARREST: bare foot out on the subway) and proceeds to lay her entire leg over his bent ones.

And then comes the secondary arrest: he proceeds to give her a foot rub for the ENTIRE Q train ride from Times Square to Brooklyn (we are talking 9 stops, 1 bridge and 1 chinatown stop where lots of little old ladies step aboard with grocery bags). Of course, he rubbed both feet. It was awful and mesmerizing at the same time. I mean, the dude was all in. But here’s the best part…something about the VERY PUBLIC foot rub impacted the group, because….a woman across from me opened her purse, took out a tiny bottle of lotion and quickly bared + rubbed her dry, crusty feet too. THREE CITIZEN’S ARRESTS: bare feet on the subway, full on foot rub, mini rub.

Clipping? Primping? Everybody wants to look their best,
but it’s a subway car, not a restroom.

This one was also on the subway. I was on the 7 train which I typically ride for, at most, 10 minutes per ride.  You don’t think a lot can happen in less than 10 minutes, but I not only transported myself from one borough to another, I also made a CITIZEN’S ARREST. A NYC minute is indeed a real unit of measurement. First two minutes: I stood in the doorway, thinking about how arctic the air felt. Another few minutes and 2 subway stops went by: I glanced around, saw what books people were reading, wondered if I remembered my keys and then my gaze stopped. About 5-6 minutes into the trip, I saw a teenage-ish boy and a man (I am presuming this was his dad, but that’s a guess). They were  at the end of some seats, turned towards each other, knees touching + quietly but emphatically talking. The boy turned his cheek towards the man, sighed and then.. brace yourself...the man proceeded to pop his pimple, right there around my 7th minute of my less than 10 minute commute. Let’s just say it was messy. CITIZEN’S ARREST!!! (as I dry heaved and looked around for someone to share my misery with – nope, no-one,  as most were looking at their phones or towards the door, ready to disembark).

And so, I am sharing these ARRESTS with you. As I am typing, I realize all these arrests were grooming and likely heat related. Who is going to bust their foot out of an UGG boot for a winter foot rub? And the grease, the shine that comes from summer sweating? Oh, that poor teenager’s pores didn’t have a chance.  While I am softening in my heart on everyone’s summer ailments, I stand by my CITIZEN’S ARRESTS.

Thanks as always for reading. Till the next one, take care.

PHOTO SOURCES

YO sign

Courtesy Counts – actual courtesy etiquette of MTA nyc subway system

5 thoughts on “CITIZEN’S ARREST: SUMMER EDITION

  1. HULIA!

    And they said romance was dead (or was that just me?)
    I typically have to get a pedicure in order to get a foot rub. It is nice to know that there are other options out there..

    As far as facial extractions, I once witnessed a set of newlyweds at customs all freshly tanned and both wearing baby blue ralph lauren polo shirts, chinos and loafers. I thought how sweet (kidding I did not say that about the matching outfits but it makes my story seem better.) she reaches up to his face, leans in and proceeds to go at the number of pimples he probably obtained from heavy sunscreen applications from his new wife and profusely sweating for the life decision he just took on. Anyway, she spent 15 minutes on his face. It was maybe the sickest thing I have ever endured (minus the 2017election)

    1. Vanessa Post author

      Okay you need to start your own blog. Or podcast Hulia – I could inly imagine your guests. PLEASE. I am actually begging. Thanks for reading and making me queasier with your customs story.

  2. Sharon

    Wow that dude is setting high standards for men. Any one who gets down one one knee on the subway to give a foot rub is a keeper.

    PPP- arrest code for public pimple popping (eek)

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