Oops, I was aiming to write this post on February 29th. You know, leap day. A whole extra 24 hours waiting to be spent. A day that marked my grandma in Buffalo’s actual birthday (she would’ve been 96 or 24 depending on your math. Or maybe some other #, if you’re not depending on MY math). A day that has now come and gone, like so many days.
It is now March 16th, soon to be 17th. Since I didn’t write in February and my goal was to write once a month here, I just I doubled up instead in March (see the post before this if you’d like).
Back to those 24 hours, all that… TIME. I was trying to remember what I really did on February 29th. I texted a friend whose baby was exactly 13 months. I sent some work emails and then discovered that my storage in gmail was 99% full (or something equally as dramatic). So I spent time deleting emails from 2009 and 2010. At first I read a bunch of them, laughing at old things, thinking about previous jobs/people and then I was deleting haphazardly, trying to free up some space. ( I have since used my hard drive and the cloud, so no need to panic there.)
On March 1st, I just kept thinking about TIME. How much it matters. How often it comes up in conversation, etc. Many years back when people would say “there’s not enough time” or “I don’t have time” for whatever event/thing, I’d often think, “Time is a concept. It’s not real. We’re all just agreeing to it.” I had a similar stance on money. This came up on Friday or Saturday nights when some spending might be involved. My saying: “It’s just paper. It burns. Why hold onto it?” Well I learned later that money isn’t even paper – it’s linen and cotton, I think. And you actually DO need to hold onto it (and again, don’t panic, I am saving over here). But my point is the same, money is an agreed upon concept. These dollar bills and coins mean you get something in return. And these seconds and minutes mean time is passing, days are beginning and winding back down, over and over again.
I’ve had this quote hung up on my door for a while now. I look at it (along with pictures of my niece, nephew, assorted godchildren, a list of things to do and a postcard of Bjork) every day before I leave:
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. – Anne Dillard
This week alone, I spent an extra hour and a half in a subway vortex trying to get home. I spent time with my parents and best friends eating maple syrup and walking in a state park. I still spend a fair amount of time on the phone (with my brothers). I spent time poking around on the internet. (some listings from a mere 2 days of my search history: free printable dot to dot sight words for kids, directions to an apartment on the Upper East side, Match.com, Metro North schedules, BuzzFeed, Huffington Post, the address of a bar in Midtown, the NY Public Library, several listings about why my Voicemail is coming on in Spanish, Match.com again, you get the picture). I spent time reading, cooking and wrangling my dog to go on a walk.
I try to make sure I’m spending my time on useful, meaningful things. Often though if I’m not careful, the days begin and end and start back up again. My dear friend Jen said to me years ago, “Every day is a bonus day.” This sentence and idea has lodged itself within me. I think it whenever I remember to be grateful and I think it when I’m often losing that thread.
Last year, a different friend named Jen and I agreed to exercise across states together. Motivate each other. Be team players. We agreed to do a plank (a standing still push up essentially) every day. It started out with 10 seconds and moved upwards to 2 minutes each day for a total of 21 days (give or take). We lost steam, we gave up. Our arms were shaking and angry with us. So we never got to the 2 minutes. 2 minutes!? Then one day we stopped texting and talked about it. We got hysterical, laughing that people (including ourselves) complain that there’s no time to exercise. Meanwhile, it would’ve taken 2 minutes and we never even attempted it.
So it’s not even about time sometimes. It’s about something else altogether. It’s about where our energy is, or our thoughts are, or for me, it’s about what I want to bother to do OR not bother to do in any given situation. As I write this, I’m rushing these last few minutes because I have a set time to talk to my friend in Germany. Last week I was fast asleep during the time we were supposed to chat. Now I’m on it. So time is running out on this post, but not really. I’m just believing that concept.
Thanks as always for taking the time to read this post. More in April my friends. Enjoy the last bits of winter and spring ahead. Cheers!
- A LITTLE LIST OF 3 THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE INTERNET
- DISPATCH FROM THE LAND OF ONLINE DATING